The Angry Indian: Savage Love: A Distressingly Common Cuckold Kink by Dan Savage

The Angry Indian posted this piece from Dan Savage twice on his blog recently, stating that he did so because it deserves to be read. I wholeheartedly agree. And it also deserves a little comment as to Dan's response to the racist with the cuckold fetish.

While Dan rightly calls the man out for his racism, he still falls back on white male pornographers' usual justifications for sexual domination, failing to realize just why these justifications are so destructive to real men and women in the real world. My comments are interwoven with the Q & A.

Savage Love
by Dan Savage
January 9th, 2007 12:57 PM

Q: I have some concerns about my cuckold fetish that you did not address in a recent column on the subject.

I am white, and all of my cuckold fantasies involve my future wife having sex with well-endowed black men. While this turns me on a great deal, part of me feels guilty. My fantasy is horribly objectifying and racist, is it not? It requires treating another human being like a piece of meat. But the rational part of me is no match for my inner urges. I can't seem to stop fantasizing about this. In all other aspects of my life I consider myself to be quite progressive.

What can I do about my fantasy? My hope is that these urges will go away over time, but I doubt this will be the case. —Can't Understand Cuckold Kink

A: You bet your cracker ass your fantasy is racist, CUCK.

For centuries, white men have obsessed about the supposed sexual superiority of black men. Whitey fear big black dick, rampaging Mandingos, white women coming down with jungle fever and getting their chifforobes busted up, etc. These fears inspire feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and paranoia—and white men have typically compensated for these fears through acts of violence. Not for nothing was castration the first order of business at many a lynching.

But guess what? When given a choice between being lynched and being offered a white man's woman, CUCK, 10 out of 10 black men surveyed prefer the latter. That the same racist stereotypes that still inspire some white men to violence, pathetically enough, also inspire racially tinged cuckold fantasies in others has to be regarded as progress. Well, maybe not progress per se, but until we stamp out racism once and for all (let's all hold our breath, shall we?), better cuckold fantasies, acted on or not, than brutal, cold-blooded killings.

Can I get an "amen"?

No, Jackass. You will not get a fucking amen. The reason the so-called fantasy arouses is because it is based in the very real domination of black men and women by white people. It would not be possible to have this "fantasy" if the reality did not ALREADY underpin it. Storylines are headlines. In order for Cuckold to organize such a racist scenario in his imagination, he needs all of the players to come from real-world conditions. After all, he wants a real black man to fuck his wife, doesn't he? Please show us just exactly where, Danny boy, these cold-blooded brutal killings aren't happening to people of color. For whom are these sexualized storylines a fantasy and for whom is it a reality? Racist "fantasy" scenarios only reinforce racist realities, as I will show.

And our so-called imaginations are as colonized as everything else about us.

Apologists for the Rape Room Photography commonly called porn often use this same only-in-my-imagination excuse. Porn is just fantasy. My personal choice is not hurting anybody. Uh, no, sorry. Wrong again, creeps. Porn is rape. Real women with considerably restricted economic options are prostituted by the billion-dollar porn industry (run predominantly by rich white males) in the real world where a woman is raped once every six minutes. Anybody want to know the percentage of women in porn who have been sexually molested as children? It's the majority. Child rape has already broken down their boundaries, setting them up for further exploitation by pornographers.

And what are these porn-pimps selling? Domination. Domination of women configured as sex objects by men. What's the message? She wants it. They all do. She wants to be hurt, used, exploited. She wants to be raped. Go ahead. She wants it. They all do. You know you want to. Go ahead. Hurting her is not hurting anybody. She isn't anybody. The cock is everything. The cock is all that matters.

This so-called fantasy has consequences in the real world where real women are dehumanized, raped and beaten every day every minute - and one in three children will experience molestation. Pornography IS rape. Pornography IS censorship. Holistic, reciprocal sensuality - that may or may not include penetration - has been utterly silenced by the sexualization of gender and race subjugation. And fuckers the world over get off on it.

The pornographic, racist message Cuckold relies on to get an erection depends on very real world racism. There is no such thing as the mitigating escape into fantasy that Dan Savage is recommending to reduce racism and sexism by drawing off energy that might otherwise have been spent in real rape and lynching. There is no such escapist, fantasy world free of violence for those of us lower on the social hierarchy atop which white men squat. Black men experience the very real racism Cuckold wants to get off on every day. Many die from it. Many are imprisoned because of it. Pornographers sell photos of women of color raped by it every day. How exactly are they supposed to escape from this? The reality is they don't.

But doesn't enacting your fantasy require the complete objectification of a black man? Yes. And how can you reconcile that kind of racist objectification with your "progressive" values? By sucking on this: It's really super-racist of you, CUCK, to assume that black men are incapable of having the same subconscious erotic response to racist stereotypes that you did. There are tons of African American guys out there who want to play the sexually dominant black stud to your sexually humiliated white cuck old— it took me less than a minute online to find three dozen men happy to help you out. How selfish of you, CUCK, not to mention how racist of you, to obsess about your own issues—the white cuckold's burden— without giving so much as a thought to the needs of these black men. For shame.

And for the record, CUCK, there's nothing wrong with treating someone like a piece of meat—provided you treat him like a human being before and after sex.

Sorry, jackass. Wrong again. It is never ok to treat anyone like a piece of meat. Again. There is no fantasy world to where oppressed gender and race classes can escape from being treated like meat. It's real. It's everywhere. It's never ok.

Some people actually enjoy being treated like pieces of meat, and as long as the men you play with consent to being treated like meat, there's nothing improper about it.

There is no such thing as consent to being raped. Raped is raped. And what is consent in a world where so many of the choices for the exploited classes are so narrowed?

Consent is, as I've written before, always and everywhere the magic ingredient. It makes BDSM not actual violence; it makes a facial not actual degradation; it makes a realized rape fantasy not actual rape.

Nope. Once more. Wrong again, whiteboy. A rape "fantasy" depends on the real world conditions that make the domination of women "sexy." Radical feminists call this the "eroticization of rape." It's done to ease the guilty conscience of the rapist. It never eases the pain of the raped. So called fantasies about prison rape also rely on the reality of Abu Ghraib conditions in Amerikan prisons. So called fantasizing may ease the masturbators' anxiety, but it does nothing to ease the reality of abject sexual trauma in US prisons. Rape fantasies may ease the guilty conscience of white male rapists buying Hustler and Playboy, but it does nothing to ease the fear, the exploitation, the reduced choices, and the trauma of real women facing a one in four chance of rape in the real world in her lifetime.

These kinds of so-called fantasies are about as harmless to a woman's psyche as playing Cowboys and Indians is to First Nations peoples. If "playing" rape is cool, then so is "playing" lynching and nazi gas-chamber. How many Jewish people do you know who would be ok with a pornographic, SS-costumed film shoot in a cattle car?

In your case, CUCK, the joyful consent of all involved—including your future wife (good luck with that)—makes the expression of your racist fantasy not an actual expression of racial animus.

Yes, it is an actual expression of racist animus, Dan. The man is imagining scenarios white klansmen have and still do make a reality for him to jack off to. Afterall, this man is not going to go out and change a racist world that gets his dick hard, now is he? Refusing to take action, escaping into a fantasy world rather than changing real world conditions, IS an action. Comforting racist and sexist images help keep this degrading world the way it is. Because at the very least they cause white men to do nothing. At the very most, they actually enable them to commit rape and genocide by further objectifying and dehumanizing already-subjugated women and men.

To sum up, CUCK: As long as you understand the cultural forces that shaped your fantasy, as long as you don't assume that all black men wanna bust up your wife's chifforobe, and as long as you treat any black man who does want a crack at her chifforobe like a human being—and what the hell, as long as you vote Democratic and donate $100 to the United Negro College Fund for every inch of black cock that gets slipped into your future wife—there's nothing unethical about realizing your particular fantasy.

(You want an example of a highly unethical and distressingly common cuckold fantasy? Check this out: "Dom male seeking a true cuckold couple," reads this personal ad. "He will watch me use her and please her. He will do cleanup duties after. I am also interested if she is fertile and wants to be bred in front of hubby. If bred, I will continue to use her throughout pregnancy. The cuck as sumes all responsibility toward the child." Where do I start? A child simply cannot possibly consent—in advance of conception!—to taking part in a lifelong role-play scenario. Cucks, bucks, bulls, and hot wives? I've got your backs—all your sweaty backs. Cuckold fantasies are fine; realizing them is finer. But leave conception and kids out of it. Christ!)

Again. What is consent in a world where rape and genocide greatly limit the choices of Black men and all women?

Yo, Dan! How bout we prioritize something other than rubbing our genitals to get off, and start using the energy spent spurting cum at mental and actual images of rape to instead effectively confront racism and sexism. Our personal choices DO have consequences for all of society. And our personal choices aren't really all that personal anyway. They are constructed by the same racist and phallocentric forces that construct everything else about us.

Especially our options.